01Dec

Placed by: sadko. Rating: Votes: 0. Vote:         Send this joke to your friend

xxx: I came up to our system administrator and saw that he was looking through an interesting web-site, obviously about sex. I came from behind and started peering at the screen: there was something about petting, deep petting, all sorts of petting. I expected him to try to close the window in order not to be revealed, but he paid no attention to me. So I leaned to his ear and said: “oh! It looks very fascinating, can you send me a link, I would like to read it as well”. He answered: ‘Actually you have this link. I found this page in your list of visited pages”.

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01Dec

Placed by: sadko. Rating: Votes: 0. Vote:         Send this joke to your friend

I hate that job and that fucking car. I went to the lavatory, set on the pan and automatically stretched the toilet paper across my chest to avoid a fine for not using seat belt. О_о

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01Dec

Placed by: sadko. Rating: Votes: 0. Vote:         Send this joke to your friend

I wonder what people would do if they knew the exact date of their death?))

yyy:
I think it’ll be like in the film “Knockin' On Heaven's Door”, they’d start drinking, smoking...

though sometimes when I look at people around me it seems that they already know that date.

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01Dec

Placed by: sadko. Rating: Votes: 0. Vote:         Send this joke to your friend

iro: where have you been??
iro: what have you been doing??
iro: who have you seen??
_artem_: in the kitchen
_artem_: eating
_artem_: my dad

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01Dec

Placed by: sadko. Rating: Votes: 0. Vote:         Send this joke to your friend

la26: I bought a local magazine with a huge title on the cover “How can I start my own business without complications?”. I opened the article and there was this title and then on two pages in big letters: “YOU CAN’T”

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29Nov

Placed by: sadko. Rating: Votes: 0. Vote:         Send this joke to your friend

I was very tired after work, so when I came home I had dinner and went to bed soon after 10 p.m. At about 2 a.m. I woke up and felt that my leg got numb. It was a strange feeling but I was too exhausted to try to do something about it. Somewhere after 4 o’clock I woke up again. The leg was still numb. I took it from under the blanket and in the darkness saw with horror that it had turned black from the toes almost up to the middle of the shin. I was scared to touch it so I jumped on one leg to the switch and turned on the light. Fuck. It turned out that I had just forgotten to take of the sock.

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29Nov

Placed by: sadko. Rating: Votes: 0. Vote:         Send this joke to your friend

rurking: only a woman can tell you straight after sex: “I would like to get to know you closer...".
iceci: Rurking, your statement presupposes that you have had a chance to compare what women say after sex with what men say…

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29Nov

Placed by: sadko. Rating: Votes: 0. Vote:         Send this joke to your friend

I was sitting in a bus on my way home and playing at my psp. A lady of about 70 years old sat down next to me and started peering at the game. Then she asked me in a funny voice:
- It’s a gedai, isn’t it?
- well, yes О_О
- so it must be Star Wars.
- yes
she turns away from me:
- eh, you’re behind the times, Star Wars came out of fashion ages ago...

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29Nov

Placed by: sadko. Rating: Votes: 0. Vote:         Send this joke to your friend

[aLmaz]: conscience is an ability to fuck your own brain

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29Nov

Placed by: sadko. Rating: Votes: 0. Vote:         Send this joke to your friend

I love programmers’ humor. Today I tested a contract making script – if you insert in figures a sum over 3 billion dollars it gives out the value in words: “a fucking huge heaps of money”.

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29Nov

Placed by: sadko. Rating: Votes: 0. Vote:         Send this joke to your friend

xxx: this morning I was sorting out the things I brought after my holiday trip to the sea.
xxx: Now I’m sitting with a key in my hand. It’s obviously a key to a cell for bags in a supermarket.
xxx: the most interesting thing is that I don’t remember what I left in that cell...
yyy: by the way, when are you going to give me back the note-book I lent you for the trip?
xxx: Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!!!!!!

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29Nov

Placed by: sadko. Rating: Votes: 0. Vote:         Send this joke to your friend

[22:21:08] <ROV> you must be about 14-16 years old
[22:21:19] <sunrise> I’m 15
[22:21:33] <sunrise> what about you?
[22:22:33] <ROV> 21
[22:23:18] <sunrise> oh, don’t get upset

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29Nov

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Domotro:
if someone puts the left hand on the Alt+Tab keys when you come up to that person, he or she surely has a secret from you.

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29Nov

Placed by: sadko. Rating: Votes: 0. Vote:         Send this joke to your friend

HE: do you live only with your brother?

SHE: I live with my brother, his wife, with brother and his wife’s wife, with my boy-friend, with my boy-friend’s wife and her lover, but the boy-friend doesn’t know that that guy’s her lover because he thinks that he is my brother who has a child and a mistress, and his wife thinks that the mistress is my boy-friend’s sister… it’s a Brazilian soup-opera kind of thing… LOL

HE: I see

HE: I have a very similar situation

SHE: Listen, what do you look like? I have a suspicion that we might be living in the same flat…

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29Nov

Placed by: sadko. Rating: Votes: 0. Vote:         Send this joke to your friend

At a physics forum:
"Is it possible to travel through time?"

The best answer:
"Of course it is.
You go to bed, fall asleep, wake up in the morning and here you’re – you are in the tomorrow."

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29Nov

Placed by: sadko. Rating: Votes: 0. Vote:         Send this joke to your friend

Ph:
I need to give a present to a programmer, something within a $50 price ….any ideas?

Anatotd:
can’t you give 50 dollars?)

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29Nov

Placed by: sadko. Rating: Votes: 0. Vote:         Send this joke to your friend

lind: once I was going by subway early in the morning. I was going to get off the train at the nearest stop and in front of me there was a guy who also seemed to be going to get off. But when the doors opened he kept standing. After 5 seconds of waiting for him I said: “what the fuck? Are you moving or not?” He gave a start and without turning to me answered: “Sorry, fellow, I kind of fell asleep”. So we went out of the train and walked for about 20 meters when suddenly both stopped and stared at each other.

Xenon: what was wrong?
lind: nothing, actually. Except it happened in Tokyo). After that we kept drinking together every week-end for about 2 months).

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29Nov

Placed by: sadko. Rating: Votes: 0. Vote:         Send this joke to your friend

Hotspot:
have any of your girls ever left their underwear in your house by accident?
iluxa:
how can you tell if it was by accident or not?
once I told Alice: hey, don’t forget your underwear!
and she says: it’s not MINE!

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29Nov

Placed by: sadko. Rating: Votes: 0. Vote:         Send this joke to your friend

Maralina:
if you meet a person and take off both ear-phones – it means you respect that person. If you meet a person ad switch off the player – it already means love

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29Nov

Placed by: sadko. Rating: Votes: 0. Vote:         Send this joke to your friend

ххх: I’m not pessimistic. I just smile in upside-down way.

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